10 Things That Happen When You’ve Been Sitting For Longer Than 1 Hour

wontsitdown

  1. Your brain gets foggy. Fact: movement stimulates creativity and gets those neurons firing to aid mental processing. If there’s no movement, there’s no mental processing. And then there’s only mindless cat-video-watching as opposed to mentally stimulating cat-video-watching.
  2. People think you never leave your desk. This gives them the green light to constantly stop by and bother you. Especially Gladys from Accounting who loves sharing her cat’s latest demonstration of super powers. No Gladys, the pee pattern in the kitty litter box doesn’t look like Jesus and your cat isn’t a prophet. 
  3. Your back’s disks will be starved of nutrients. This weakens the disks and locks them up. And you need them to work right for walking and stuff. Poor disks.
  4. Your pants get wrinkled. You end up looking like a tattered rag used by a homeless man and then abandoned on the sidewalk. And not in a good way. Rachel Zoe is feeling apathetic about you somewhere.
  5. Your butt flattens. It will start to feel like a pancake. It will be ready for syrup and the special’s board at iHop.
  6. Your muscles become perpetually cramped. This can tighten and damage your muscles over time. You’ll end up feeling like you constantly need a massage and then you’ll spend all your money at the spa and probably end up on the street with the homeless man’s rag.
  7. Health risks increase. Just, all the things. Cardiovascular disease and diabetes, just to name a couple. Sitting pretty much helps every disease screw you over. Asshole.
  8. You embrace stalker tendencies. Maybe you need a change of scenery so you stop checking if your ex posted a new Insta every 2 seconds. Just sayin’.
  9. Explorations abandoned. What passed you by while you were just sitting there?
  10. People miss out on your backside. And you have an absolutely breathtaking heiny.

So what do we do? Move, Fitbeasts! Go forth and end sitting’s evil reign over your backside. Because that thing is nice and someone might want to be friends with it.

mahogany

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