Leave It At The Door

leavesFall is here and it’s the best. Is it because society has finally taken its obsession with pumpkin spice too far? (Pumpkin Pringles? Really? The world isn’t ready.) No, put down the PSL and consider this: it’s the leaves. The crunch. The satisfying crunch. The ubiquitous sound of that special season between summer and winter.

Venturing outdoors becomes a crisp playground of child-like wonder. (Crisp: obligatory adjective used when describing apples, fall, leaves or a combination of the three.) Each leaf that releases itself from the tree and trickles to the ground beckons to you, urging you to embrace your inner Henry David Thoreau and meet nature with open arms. Arms that ache to flap and make fall’s version of a snow angel in a pile of freshly raked leaves.

Sometimes during the month of October there’s nothing better than lacing up your walking shoes, layering on a long sleeve tee, and stepping out onto the gold and brown riddled pathway. You leave your house, forgetting your cares and stepping out to embrace the adventure. It’s cathartic, feeling this thrilling transitional time of year. A period of promise. Where do you go from here? To winter? No, not quite. But it’s coming…

Each crunch beneath your feet is a goal you will reach. Yellow crunch. “I’m going to walk 20 minutes a day.” Red crunch. “I’m going to stand twice every hour.” Brown crunch. “I will go easy on the array of pumpkin spice products that contain zero pumpkin and/or spice.”

Pulverizing the foliage beneath your feet empowers you to make a covenant to yourself to live better. The world is changing before your eyes, thriving in spectacular color. So why can’t you too? Allow your best self to transform and unfold. You’ll probably like what you see.

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Oh, The Things You Would See

What if you stood up, got off the couch, closed your computer, set down the smartphone, and went outside. What then?

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What if you went outside and walked around? What would you see?

Maybe its the homeless lady who riffles through your recycle bin. Maybe its the twelfth cat that belongs to your neighbors. Maybe its the Amazon Prime delivery person wondering if you’re lost. Point is, you won’t know what you’re missing until you get out there.

Here are 3 things you may miss if you are hiding in the house:

1. This bunny:

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It shouldn’t be running around your house, unless, you know, its your pet Sniffles or something.

2. This view:

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You won’t see this from your couch, unless, you know, you’re a millionaire, in which case, good for you Daddy Warbucks.

3. All these red cars parked in a row:

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ZOMG THERE ARE FOUR. FOUR.

So there you have it. Don’t miss these things. Get out and give your couch a break. And when you return, Orange is the New Black will be there. Piper, Crazy Eyes, Red – they’re all there. Waiting for you. And probably envious that you aren’t limited to a dirt track in freezing Connecticut for exercise. Get out while you can – if you don’t, you may be sorry later. Yeah, jail. That’s right – JAIL. Things just got serious.

What Can I Do With My Time That Is Important?

treeforestchesterIn reading through countless articles from “experts,” “gurus,” “coaches,” “analysts” and other faux-specialists applying their shoddy/brilliant expertise on the interwebs, I came across one little sentence that splattered my mind matter in a ginormous mess all over the wall:

Ask yourself: What can I do with my time that is important?  

It probably came from an article titled “10 Ways Kim Kardashian Makes 10 Million a Day,” or “Why Cats Fall into Laundry Baskets” or “You Will Only Be Happy If You Read This So Do It” or something like that. No doubt I fell into the click trap and pursued it because I just had to know the answer. (Spoiler: there’s no explanation for why cats do anything, so don’t fall for it.)

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See? Pointless.

But read it I did, and this sentence seemed groundbreaking in its simplicity. It hit home for me so much that I WROTE IT DOWN on a POST-IT (no, I didn’t invent them). This was monumental because:

a.) I have accumulated stacks of post-its with nothing to write on them since the invention of the keyboard.

b.) I recently acquired a new pen that had yet to see any action and it was hungry for a cause.

c.) I never come across words of wisdom that don’t make me roll my eyes in a “too cool for school” fashion. This time I was not, indeed, too cool for said schooling and squealed like a cheerleader when reading the sentence.

Not to make this too much like school, but let’s dissect this little sentence, shall we?

What = implies an action, something in the realm of possibility. What’s for dinner? What do cats dream about? What’s the big deal? We don’t know just yet.

can I do = it’s you, it’s all up to you. You are doing the action, and you can. Go, you! (Still in cheerleader mode.)

with my time = everyone has time. It is yours, and it is special.

that is important = we are all capable of doing something important. It may not seem important to everyone, but you shouldn’t be worrying about someone else’s version of important.

? = Isn’t that just it? It’s a question mark. I don’t know the answer, but I do know there is value in searching for it.

If you wake up eager to do something important, then you’re on the right track and your desire to succeed in something shouldn’t be trivialized. Keep going. Fitbeasts are people who want to make themselves better, and make other’s lives better in the process. Health is important, but so is finding someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to and something in which to believe. So are you moving in the right direction? Ask yourself:

What can you do with your time that is important? 

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Come With Me If You Want Your Chair to Live

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As if we all needed to hear it again, here it is: sitting is killing you. Slowly. Worse than the albino torturing Wesley. Except that you can’t just yell TRUEE LOVEE and it all stops. Inigo Montoya’s sword is not being guided to a hidden underground tree chamber to come and save you. It’s just not happening at the moment.

Sitting truly is the silent killer, according to multiple infographics that office coworkers send to each other. While sitting. At their computers. And never. Standing. Up. After 8 hours of mailing cat gifs back and forth to your office bestie in your average, spinning business chair, your back and bones probably start to feel sitting’s evil sting. It must be stopped.

So what do we do? Forfeit the battle for our bodies and turn over into artificially intelligent robots? No, it’s too early for that.

Ahem, excuse the shameless plug, but Fitbeast can help. That’s why Chester is here. To help you be healthier and stuff. Allow Chester to let you in on a little secret:

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Fituals. Tiny little reminders that remind you to do one little thing: move.

Every hour from 9am – 5pm, which is the typical workday for the tax-paying steak-loving, computer-dwelling American, a tiny Chester will remind you to move (if you haven’t already). Just, move. Get up out of your chair, take a few steps, improve your health. Repeat. And end sitting’s dominance over your sad chair. It probably deserves a break. Poor chair.

You can thank us when you have those extra years on your life handy to earn a Nobel Prize or write that novel that rests on the shelves between Twain and Dostoyevsky. Or the Princess Bride. All classics.

What do you have to lose? Give it a try. Chester’s nice. He’s funny. He likes steps. And burritos. The more steps you take, the more burritos you can probably have. Seems fair.

– Get Fituals

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Butt Smooshing Affects 1 in 3

OK, maybe that’s not an accurate statistic. Or a real physical ailment. But it is a reality for Chester. It’s like he’s trotting along, minding his own burrito business, contemplating if his likeness would make a good Beanie Babie, and then suddenly:  buttsmooshing

He can feel his butt smooshing. It smooshes, people.

Sometimes Chester will feel his derriere try to give him a pat on the back, and the sensation will immediately remind him of the ultimate floatation device, The Blob, as depicted in the greatest film of all time, Heavyweights.

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The Smooshing Affect, as it is scientifically known, (these are real facts, people – REAL), is reminiscent of a candy-packing adolescent flying majestically off of the massive blow up balloon and into a tranquil lake.

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No, he means The Blob. But anyways, don’t get Chester wrong, he’s

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But sometimes, the smooshing makes him wonder about the good feels. And we know Chester is all about the good feels. So today he will walk a little longer. Because a little less smooshing will go nicely with the hors d’oeuvres he’s planning to serve later.

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Fitbeast is Friend, Not Food

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Chester thinks of himself as your friend. Really, he does. Did you know that? He thinks you have something special. He’s here for you. Like an Amazon Prime package delivered two days later on the dot. He’s like clockwork, packaged with a piece of paper that says “Enjoy your gift! It’s Chester!” He arrives to you ready for duty.

Have you thought about how great it could be? Just you and Chester out in that great big world, ready to meet your fitness goals with gusto. He’ll keep you in check as you try to remember to work out, take a walk, or reject that piece of cake your coworker keeps thrusting at you. (Chester would help deliver that perfect one liner that says they should show some respect to those cutting back on sweets and DO THEY WANT TO BE HIT IN THE FACE WITH BUTTERCREAM BECAUSE THAT WILL HAPPEN SO MOVE ON KTHXBAI).

Chester’s fitness goals aren’t complicated. You won’t find him all beefed up in some gym oozing testosterone and dusted in protein power. (Most of the equipment isn’t built for four legs, anyway.) He just wants to be healthy and feel good.

He likes the good feels.

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So simple, right? But sometimes it seems like we forget that exercise gives you good feels. As if when some wise person were to inscribe, “exercise makes you feel good” on a fortune cookie, it would be this mind-blowing experience to read. And then stomach-blowing to eat. It defies comprehension. Almost as unfathomable as why Kourtney Kardashian continues to have babies with Scott Disick. It echoes the definition of insanity.

The answer? Take a walk (queue Passion Pit chorus). Are you a little down on the pudge collecting over your jeans? Not feeling like your hot Scar-Jo self? Get outside. Move around. It’s simple, really. Exercise – even the mild, over-the-counter, minimum-sweat “is-this-really-helping-me” kind of exercise – is, indeed, helping. Chester gets it, and he wants you to get it too. Put simply, it’s better than nothing. And one step up from nothing is something. So this is the year to do something.

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