Happy National Burrito Day!

4-2April 2nd is National Burrito Day, and obviously this is the most exciting of all days. If all of the holidays were rolled together and set off into fireworks of carne asada and salsa explosions, the result would be today. Recognize and celebrate this mouth-watering event with a collection of stunning and majestic foodtos. That’s right, this day is so special that we combined “food” and “photos” into one word. Chills.

Pay tribute to the tortillas: 

tortillareal

 Salute the Salsa: 

salsareal

Honor the beans:

blackbeansreal

 

Respect the rice:

rice

Relish the lettuce:

shredded lettuce

May the meat be with you: 

carneasada

Is it burrito day? YES 

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How To Assemble The Perfect Burrito

AKA a moment with Chester’s favorite food.

chesterheadfood

 STEP 1: Tortillas

Grill it, warm it, wheat it, veg it, skip it, rename it. Whatever, just, tortillas.
tortillas
STEP 2: Beans
Black, pinto, refried, all fine. But fact? Black beans are low in fat, high in fiber, and tasty. Opt for them for less smooshing.
beans
STEP 3: Rice
 
Brown rice, cilantro lime rice, spicy mexican rice, all yes.
rice
STEP 4: Meat
 
Chicken? Carne asada? Carnitas? Tofu? None? Good with some company or just on its own, like a vacation.
chicken
STEP 5: Salsa
 
When things get messy and magical. Drench in hot dream sauce.
salsa
STEP 6: Lettuce
 
Go away guilt, I’m having vegetables.
lettuce
STEP 7: EAT
 
burritoeatnow
STEP 8: Steps
 
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Kitten-Clad Leg Warmers & Trying

We’ve all seen her. The hell-raising, determined Fitness Mom bulldozing the sidewalk with her stroller like its an extension of her uncontrollable minivan. She’s thin, of course, but toned from her regimen of cardio and lifting. She’s decked out in fabulous Lululemon workout gear. And oh yeah, she has a baby (she’s not just pushing weights in that stroller but hey, that thought might have crossed her mind). The baby is also wearing workout gear but with the addition of kitten-clad leg warmers. Adorbs.

This lady never would have dated you in high school and would never have been your friend. You’d probably have carried her books and she would have called you by the wrong name. (“It’s not Margie but that’s ok…”)

If you are exercising near this lady, she will lap you. Continually. You’ll be sweating bazookas and she won’t perspire a drop. Or if she does, it will only result in an angelic glow that she meant to have. She might lap you in other things too, like having a better job, house, attractive spouse and bright kids who will become successful and pamper her in her old age (this lady will also look 30 forever). She’ll power by you with her stroller and her baby will shake the kittens in arrogance.

but
Let her lap you. She’s a non-issue. Don’t be discouraged. Not by her. You are there too. Trying. And you’re lapping those standing at the burrito stand. For the win. Bazookas.

7 Overly Intense Fitness Quotes That Will Make You Nervous

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Probably 99% of the searches returned on Pinterest for “Fitness Inspiration” are professionally edited photos of “people” (possibly descendants of Zeus) lifting massive weights or scaling a ginormous mountain with overlaid font that reads hyperbolic messages that basically tell you you’re HOLDING YOUR GLORY BACK so go BURN IT OFF, CHUBS and LOOK WHAT YOU CAN BE.

Sometimes Fitness Enthusiasts can be a little intense. Or even seem high strung and extreme (Jillian’s butt from the latest season of The Bachelor comes to mind). Some seem like they’re ready to pounce at any moment, almost as if Zombies are chasing them or they have to fight off a wolf in the woods and display their hulk-like athleticism at a moment’s notice. It’s like they think that our modern human civilization is one big army of Huns or Roman Emperors needed for battle, instead of just people wearing ties and brewing their second cup of coffee in the office breakroom and feeling too tired to do much of anything. (The only thing they’re pillaging is leftover cake.)

But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; after all, most of these Enthusiastic Fitness People are physically healthy – so great. But that mentality isn’t for everyone. And for those who aren’t like that, it’s bewildering and terrifying to witness. And entertaining.

Don’t get us wrong, motivation is good – we’re all for it. But its time to end the Reign of Terror and burn some calories with a good ol’ barrel laugh at the expense of someone who seems like they’re training for The Most Dangerous Game.

Here are a collection of the seven best over-the-top fitness quotes from Pinterest that are intended to “inspire” others to workout and become their greatest self. Definitely not fear for their lives. Definitely not.

1.

intensequote1

These are the three options? We would probably stop for an untied shoelace. Those can be deadly.

2.

hugnrybored

*Quietly sniffles into bag of chips*

3.

obsessed

Or the nuts.

4.

bleedd

The Battle of Black Friday? Fair enough, that can get ugly.

5.

stopwhendone

Tired is probably a form of “done”…so…what then?

6.

CANTDOIT

Technically said by Maya Angelou, but she probably didn’t mean it in the context of trying to bench 150 pounds.

7.

mirrorcompetition

Oh it’s on. 

 

Does Anyone Really Relate to This?

Robots live among us. And they have very, very tanned abs.

When you’re mustering up the energy to go work out, do you think of a photo like this and say, “WHOA! YES! INSPIRING! NOW I’LL GO. THAT WILL BE ME!”

modelfitness

Personally the only thing it inspires us to do is binge eat tater tots while irrationally cursing and contemplating how much muscle is potentially gained by squirting the last drops out of a ketchup bottle.

We’re more into this:

chesterrelatableBecause we can relate to a pudgy corgi so much better than a 10 foot tall glamazon with flawless skin and fluffed out hair whose brand rep is trying to convince us just finished an intense workout.

Is the girl with oiled abs really inspirational? Countless fitness brands and Pinterest posts seem to think so. But we happen to think that it might do the exact opposite, and initiative a defeatist attitude before you can even put on your walking shoes. And who wants that? Who is this girl? She’s not us. We don’t have thigh gaps (it’s a club and, yes, we have t-shirts: “CLOSE THE GAP”).  We doubt she’s you either (unless you’re a man, and then she’s definitely not you. Probably).

It’s not about her extremely oiled, tanned abs. Repeat – this is not about bulk buying coconut oil from Costco and rubbing it onto your torso to take the most perfectly lit, glimmering magical unicorn abs shot. This is about getting out there, racking up some burrito steps, and cultivating a positive lifestyle, all before getting back to business. Or video games. Or your video game business. Point is, get in some movement and then go back to what you do for a living so you can – ahem – keep living.  Mind blown.

Maybe next time you need some fitness inspiration, think of Chester doing this instead:

chesterupsidedown

 

 

Fitbeast Now Available on Google Play

morechester

Great news! The Fitbeast app is officially available in the Google Play Store. That means you are now a majestic Fitbeast. At least, you could be. Sometimes it takes a little help from a friend. Chester the corgi wants to be that friend. He is your tiny partner for fitness things that motivate you to exercise and be healthy. You know, when he’s not eating burritos. He likes burritos.

Fitbeast integrates with your Google Fit account to enhance your healthy lifestyle through the encouragement of a furry comrade. After all, you’re in this together. And together, you and Chester can achieve burritos. So. Many. Burritos.

Listen up, folks. Chester isn’t your ordinary corgi. He does a lot of things. Things that he can’t quite explain but he still spins that sweet corgi mind in motion and tries his darndest. For example, Chester will:

• Kick his corgi legs into gear and join you on fitness adventures. There’s no way he’s missing out. Just, no way.

• Eat burritos. Did we mention Chester likes burritos? He wants to help you earn his favorite food, so that you reach your fitness goals. Each 25,000 steps = 1 burrito. So start earning your delicious kudos, kiddos.

• Lend words of encouragement as often or not-often as you desire. If you don’t want them Chester can take a hint. He’s not crying he was just cutting onions to make a lasagna. For one.

• Provide invaluable wisdom and information cultivated during his fascinating corgi lifetime. You could say a corgi taught you something. And we think that’s something special. Corgi special.

Chester knows this is his chance to make a difference. A fitness difference. A fiterence, if you will. He won’t mess this up. Help him help you so that You = Fitbeast. You had him at burrito. — Get the app.

It’s a Wonderful Wearables World

wearables1

Chester doesn’t wear any clothes. But at the same time, he’s not naked. It’s kind of a paradox. But the one thing he does wear is a device to track the number of steps he takes each day (its on his foot – hidden beneath bushels of fur – it’s a corgi thing). He thinks how many steps you take is kind of important to know. Like your IQ.

10000iq

Actually, that number is Chester’s daily steps goal. It’s probably better if his true IQ were kept a mystery.

Wearable fitness devices are more popular than ever, and gaining traction for 2015. It might be time to see what all the hoopla is about and look into the right option for you. Bracelet? Clip? Watch? Choices galore are coming, so pay attention, people. And corgis. Corgis too.

Chester recently realized some people wear visors instead of traditional trucker hats. He’s thinking this will be the next hipster thing. Everyone with beards and visors. You heard it here first.

wearables3

Visors and beards don’t really relate to wearables but that’s just Chester.

wearables4

Why Stretching is the Greatest Feeling in the World

blog-thought-bubble-subheadlineStretching feels good. Darn good. That sweet release in your arms, legs or back is like a punch to the hypothalamus. An instant stress-reliever that tells your crappy day to flush itself down the toilet.

But it doesn’t get all the glory of the Prom Queen cardio workout. Or the artistic reverence reserved for the balanced diet. It’s The Brady Bunch’s Jan of the fitness world. It gets the “Go away, Jan. No one has time for you. Oh, Jan.”

peacesignThis middle child of exercise deserves a little recognition. After all, did you know that stretching burns calories? And it does so without too much sweating. You could do stretches on a first date and it’d be completely normal and ick-free (maybe). Also, stretching regulates breathing. Which, you know, is important, for, like, breathing and stuff.

Stretching is the perfect anecdote to your day-long impersonation of a stone edifice in an office chair. Every little move helps improve strength and flexibility.

So, who’s going to say it? Anyone? OK, we will. So, um, what do you stretch? What are the time-tested, only-things-that-are-certain-are-death-and-taxes types of stretches to do?

Well, we’d start with a few classic yoga moves like these. They’re pretty easy even for the most inflexible person, and the girl demonstrating them in this article doesn’t seem like some crazed gym rat that can simultaneously bend her legs over her head and snort protein powder up her nostrils. She seems like an okay gal. A happy pal who wants to buy you a dairy-free frozen yogurt. (Totally would go get that yogurt with her, by the way.) She’s got one of those faces that says her voice is soothing and her hair can be automatically swept up into the perfect messy bun. But you don’t even hate her for it because she just wants to help you stretch. Authentic.

You may learn to love stretching so much that you become one of those people with a sign on your door that says “Privacy, please. Stretching.” Stretching what, exactly, visitors won’t know, but you’ll be too deep into the good feels that it won’t matter. Or you’ll become one of those cheeky bumper sticker owners with a real gem that reads “Stretch This.” Classy.

Another perk of stretching? You can look at beautiful photos while you do it. Photos like these. Ones that happen to have a tiny Chester in them. Enjoy!

mountain

 

koi

 

beach

 

Butt Smooshing Affects 1 in 3

OK, maybe that’s not an accurate statistic. Or a real physical ailment. But it is a reality for Chester. It’s like he’s trotting along, minding his own burrito business, contemplating if his likeness would make a good Beanie Babie, and then suddenly:  buttsmooshing

He can feel his butt smooshing. It smooshes, people.

Sometimes Chester will feel his derriere try to give him a pat on the back, and the sensation will immediately remind him of the ultimate floatation device, The Blob, as depicted in the greatest film of all time, Heavyweights.

theblob

The Smooshing Affect, as it is scientifically known, (these are real facts, people – REAL), is reminiscent of a candy-packing adolescent flying majestically off of the massive blow up balloon and into a tranquil lake.

candy

No, he means The Blob. But anyways, don’t get Chester wrong, he’s

bass

But sometimes, the smooshing makes him wonder about the good feels. And we know Chester is all about the good feels. So today he will walk a little longer. Because a little less smooshing will go nicely with the hors d’oeuvres he’s planning to serve later.

amuse